I JUST MADE A HORRIBLE HORRIBLE MISTAKE

The worst mistake of my life. I just ate at Arby's. Or rather, i tried. That slogan; 'Arby's Is Delicious' was too stupid to resist. To call it eating is a pure misnomer. What i undertook was essentially an activity in mastication and deglutition with no positive benefit, unlike munching say, a stick of celery or a Big Mac.

The instant i took my first bite i knew i was going to feel bad about it forever. It was really one of those situations in which you wish life had an Undo function.

I won't even go into the constitution of the object that i ingested. That's for the Google to tell you, but take it from me, it would have been more enjoyable to chew on a toilet block. At least that would have had some flavour.

The darndest thing of it all is this though: on the back of the receipt is a voucher for a free sandwich, at Arby's. And guess what. I'm filling it in because i'm damned poor and would be a dumb fool to pass up a full stomach for no outlay. So, before i take up dumpster-diving, i think i'll be going to get my Beef n'Cheddar from that big hat and see how long i can survive by this method. I give it a week. Conservatively.